read_me: How to Read My Substack and Get the Most Out of This Free Book: The Four C’s: COVID, the Cartel, Conspiracy Theories, and Cryptocurrency

What’s up! Thanks for coming along on this wonky journey. When I was growing up, I loved stories. I loved disassociating into them, losing myself for the ride, and like many trauma survivors, I learned to daydream myself into a blissful alternative world. Imagination is a beautiful thing.

I love film as well, and the ones with the somewhat unreliable, disorganized narrators always stuck to my neurodivergent brain (think: Memento, The Usual Suspects, Fight Club). One thing I’ve always consistently struggled with is memory, because of the powerful ability I have to compress, compartmentalize, detach, and disassociate. This tight ball of yarn is loosening daily through my healing journey. But in a way, I wanted to capture the passion and obsession I have into my work as 1:1 as I could.

More than a traditionally disciplined artist, I am an obsessive one. This work is not finished yet, and so every waking moment is spent thinking about this problem to solve. It cannot escape me, and I’m grateful I have friends and other responsibilities that force me to touch grass every once in a while. If not, this would be all that I do. If I could, I would forego sleep. That’s just how my brain works.

My big picture goal is to finish a memoir as I heal, stitch together all the memories I’ve filed away in my life in therapy, and release that as an actual publication. I’ve always dreamt of having a physical book I’ve written on my own shelves.

However, there’s a part of my life that I realized was just too fucking strange not to talk about as a standalone. This is where this Substack comes in, and what I’m calling the story of the “Four C’s: COVID, the Cartel, Conspiracy Theories, and Cryptocurrency” (Featuring: the Riots, and the Time I Was Kind of A Scientologist… oh, and Did I Mention There’s a Murder?). While the rest of my life is certainly unconventional, rowdy, and entertaining, this is just weird enough that it had to be written for the world.

The synopsis:

Back in 2020, I was a Tech PM at a startup, where we hired a consultant to optimize our codebase. Lockdowns and riots happened and my ex boss (the CTO/CISO) and I became his right hand people as he gained essentially pseudo control of the company.

I can’t even explain what kind of charismatic, brilliant devil (he taught at MIT) he was, and the insane rabbit hole we fell down in while the world was adjusting to remote work.

As for me? I’m your friendly neighborhood PM, still in Tech, creating across many mediums: writing, modeling, drawing and guitar (until my therapist subscribes so we can have more efficient meetings). I’ve been diagnosed with AuDHD and cPTSD, and these things make my voice a bit spicy. I lived a weird life, with a fucked childhood, became an illegal immigrant in the projects, became a homeless punk rock pickpocket, got married and divorced twice, and now I’m a nerd and creative in big tech trying to heal the world.

Hope you like the heat!

I couldn’t sit by the fact that for years, my friend and former boss (he wanted to be called “Matteo”, but let’s be honest here, it wasn’t my style. I’m calling him “Britman”. In long form, “Funk Master Brit/Australian Tech Guy”) have been talking about how insane it is, and how it needed to be a book; a movie; a documentary, but never got around to it. I realized: much like there is no one coming to save you, there is no one else that can write this story but me. And when he suggested selling the story, I did think about the fork in the road. Short term, Britman was right. I could use the cash, and it would be easier for sure. But in long term, I think I’d regret it if I didn’t tell it myself.

So here we are. I’ll be releasing it in pieces. I will write daily anyways, but maybe some days I’ll be deep in research or thinking of what to say. Some days I might weave in some personal stories, because I think it’s important for you, reader, to deeply understand the narrator. This isn’t an objective investigation into what occurred. This is me telling you everything from my lens.

I’ve also been browsing Substack loads on my “off” time, and I haven’t found anything like this concept.

So, with all of that said, if you’re just starting out, here’s how to navigate my Substack:

Four C’s: Read in this order:

The Backstory: My First Marriage, Osama Bin Laden, A Punk Rock Coming of Age Story

Marriage1: NYC Intros, When the Rich and Poor Mate, and “Babe, Don’t You Know? No One Fucks With the Persian Cats.”

Marriage1 Bonus Chapter: Wulf Still Has My Respect, Homeboi, Self-Love, and Tomorrow We Honor Our Good Times

Marriage1’s Good Times Are Coming, but First, Stop Saying Narcissists, My Therapy Session is The Shoot I’m Most Proud Of, I’m Finally Safe in My Own Body, and Why I Destroy My Body

Everything else I post going forward will be a continuous flow for the book. Everything posted before, you can treat as side quests: look at them to grab some context clues, learn more about me, and maybe be moved. Who knows. What else are we really living for?

Oh, and here’s the tattoo I got to commemorate this whole experience. Above all, I started writing and I continue living to heal the world through art: whether it’s story-telling, or any other medium I create with. This palm tattoo represents me being branded by “touching the fabric of reality”. 2020 taught me that loneliness, isolation, and the collapse of community are eating us alive. The smartest people you know can skid into psychosis faster than you’d think in the internet age. Many characters in the Four C’s did. I’m going to try and interview as many of them as I can, and revisit my past. I don’t know where this will all take me. I don’t know how long this will all take to piece together. But I’m glad you’re here with me.

To the free readers and subscribers, thank you for taking a moment of your busy lives to disconnect with me. To my paid subscribers, thank you for helping me chase my dreams (and buy blueberries).